so to celebrate my first whole week as a internet blogging sensation I ate ice cream… FROM A TUBE.
At first when I saw it at the grocery store I was like, “that’s dumb, it’s barely enough ice cream to satisfy a newborn baby” which may be why no one lets me babysit newborns. But then I realized the beauty of the tube, it was portion control, it was portable, you didn’t need a spoon! I must have you little tube of chocolate ice cream, you will be mine. My plan was to eat it in the car on the way home before it melts / I would have to share with the domkus. I kept laser sight on it thru the check out process to make sure I knew its location for when the time was right and when the bag boy dared asked me paper or plastic I just shouted in response, “THE TUBE! THE TUBE!”
When he was finished rolling his eyes I was off! I loaded the car up and threw the tube of ice cream on the passenger seat. My mouth was dripping with anticipation of the creamy goodness, I ripped off the foil and began to lick.
That’s when I noticed the man in the car next to me, watching. I realized that eating from a tube of ice cream has to be the dirtiest looking thing I have ever done… for free. You have to literally use both hands to coax more ice cream up the tube and then it slides back down so you do it again and again, licking and sucking this phallic shaped confection.
We made eye contact as I finished every last drop and then he had a heart attack and died. But in my defense, he was old and I REALLY like ice cream. And I’m pretty sure he was a pervert.
see you next week!