so i woke up today feeling a little stuffy and snotty from what I assume is the classic “changing of the seasons” cold.
either that or it is the fact that i cannot sleep without the fan on even though i think it messes with my sinuses. (add that to the fact that i share the bed with no less than five creatures that seem to adore the ancient ritual of the sacred night fart .)
so anyway, i thought ” maybe i should take some zinc in case I am getting sick?” and then proceeded to take a double dose from my vitamin stash. I ate some fruit and went about starting my day… for about fifteen minutes.
that’s when the pain started.
at first it was just a dull ache in my stomach and then quickly became a full on gut wrenching disaster. i would of sworn that an evil elf had crawled up my ass and was now walking around inside of me with sharpened soccer cleats covered in broken glass and acid.
“it was that god damn zinc!” i said to the dogs who were mildly amused at my keeled over body, which apparently was not only worth fighting each other over but also DELICIOUS and had to be licked by all our min pin’s smelly little tongues.
the domkus came downstairs and started to talk to me about something amazing on the iphone, (of course) and all I could mutter was, “I have to barf”
He took me out for some fresh air and only then noticed that I was in fact seriously about TO VOMIT from the PAIN of that GOD DAMN ZINC killing me from INSIDE my belly!
Shivers, goosebumps and a couple of dry heaves later he suggests perhaps we should go inside and I can lay down. This has become “serious”, I agree as long as there is a bucket next to me and as I go to stand up SOMEONE STABS ME IN THE HAND WITH A ICE PICK.
well that’s what it felt like and I started to scream. Domkus then noticed the wasp that had just stung my hand just as I realized that I only THOUGHT i was in pain before but this new wasp sting pain made the zinc pain look like A TOTAL BITCH.
I am whimpering like a baby. You would of too. It was really THAT FUCKING BAD. (and this is from the girl who has on many occasions popped her own dislocated bones back into place without painkillers OR whiskey OR whiskey flavored painkillers)
I have boogers coming out my nose from the tears and my hand is swelling up like a baseball mitt and that’s when my intestines say ” Cue the endless Diarrhea ass fountain experience!”
So needless to say I spend the day in bed recovering from my hideous adventures, damn damn damn the zinc.
dawn’s blog also available at monkeycock.com